Horror Fashion

Yes, it's time for horror fashion but before I get the fun started(lol) let's discuss how I'm such a bum.  I had gotten all my workout stuff together last night with the plans of waking up early and heading to the gym.  I even figured I'd just drive to the pool, swim and take the spin class rather than run.  I looked at my clock around 4am and said to myself okay I just get up at 4:40am and I'm set.  At about 4:20am, I looked at the clock again and proceeded to bag my workout.  I decided to sleep in again.  How lame is that.  The half ironman is 5 months away and I'm sleeping in.  I think I'm going to have to bust out some serious New Year's resolutions.  I'll run at lunch time today since it's suppose to be at least 40 something degrees unlike yesterday where the high was 32 and around lunch it was only 25 degrees.

So let's talk fashion specifically horror fashion.  Again as I mentioned yesterday, I saw the Texax Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning this weekend. As I saw the last victim trying to run in cowboy boots and jean skirt, I started thinking what would be the ideal attire you'd want to be have if you happened to be caught up in a horror movie.

Shoes: My first thought here is a good running shoe since if you start running you don't want to be caught.  If that's a simple jaunt down the driveway to your car or if it requires miles and miles of running until you're completely out of the current city/town/county and at quite a large metropolitan city's police station.  Side rant:  Why is it horror victims always run for awhile then immediately head up to the road or the first house they come to?  Bad idea.  I'd be running for a hella-long time before even attempting to go anywhere near a road.  I wouldn't even stop for that's city's or county's police station.  No way and I'm not taking the chance that whole town/county is on the gruesome deaths.  Okay back to shoes so running shoes seem like a good choice and probably a trail running shoe would even be better.  Less chance of slipping in the muck which surrounds most of these horror houses.  But I was thinking about close quarters escape and this almost always requires kicking at your killer while scrambling on the floor, under a bed, or through a window opening.  Running shoes really wouldn't pack much punch.  Combat boots!  I mean the armed forces run in these all the time and they can definitely put some hurt on a killer if you kick him in the face, groin or even stomp on his toe. These would also work in muddy cold water.  It always seems you have to traipse through a massive puddle in some dark basement which soaks you up the knees.  On top of that, you're protected against an achilles slash ala Hostel.

And the winner is...

Combat boots

Pants: I think this one is a no-brainer.  I think jeans are an easy choice.  They're durable and yet comfortable.  You might want to say shorts but man I'm thinking exposed legs could be bad plus with our previous shoe choice it just wouldn't be stylin.  How about fatigues?  Well these would match our combat boot but they would signal to the killer, bad ass.  The bad ass always gets taken out early in the movie so don't get too cocky.  Sweats or running pants just are good when trying to protect you against a killer's death grip.  The killer is going to be able to ball up a nice chunk of your sweats. Now you can't be wearing these type of jeans:

Baggy jeans are a major problem.  You can't really run fast because they're falling down.  I even own some relaxed fit jeans that just wouldn't work.  They'd get caught on that nail in the window as you were trying to squeeze out with the killer groping at your feet.
And the winner is...

501 Levi jeans

Top:  This is probably the hardest horror attire choice.  Now you could go with a T-shirt.  Not bad and even one of those funny T-shirts like "I'm with stupid" or "Have a nice day!" which shows the standard happy face with an ax sticking out of it's forehead in with the horror movie spirit.  Of course us guys love the white T-shirt on the hot co-eds because that is a 100% forecast for rain.  Nope a T-shirt isn't going to cut it when it gets cold as it seems there is always some serious shivering going on.  How about a stylin dress shirt?  Now that's a little warmer but just too easy to grab or get caught on stuff.  You jump into a closet to hide and lose a button as you shut the door.  The killer walks in looks around and just is about to leave when he spots button by the closet door.  Not good my friends.  A sweater has similar problems by snagging on stuff and the killer being able to get a good grip.  Sweatshirt has similar problems.  A long sleeve t-shirt is a pretty good choice.  It keeps you warm and isn't as easy to grab. Here's the ideal top though...

 

Under Armour long sleeve form fitting shirt.  I mean this is made for horror movies and well performance outdoor sports.  No extra material for the killer to grab.  It will keep you pretty warm.  It's a pretty smooth fabric so it slides through tight spots easy and be less likely to snag.

And the winner is...a cool sweatshirt with the above Under Armour underneath.  You get into trouble and shed the sweatshirt.  Throw it into the face of the oncoming killer to slow him down.

So if I'm going camping I'll have my combat boots, 501 jeans and Under Armour ready to go.  Feel free to comment on what you would wear.